The Cost of Ignoring...
Most people never stop to think about the costs and impacts of ignoring someone.
I was recently asked for an example of what blocks inclusion and psychological safety... so I conveyed this scenario from different points of view.
The Ignoree: Here we go again… I share my ideas/opinions during our team meeting which is followed by the familiar silence and shuffling papers and then ultimately someone starts talking again to continue the conversation as if I said nothing. No one ever acknowledges me or my ideas, … it’s obvious no one cares whether or not I’m in attendance… I’m invisible, again.
Everyone in the room knows what’s happening to me, but no one says anything. I’m not sure if it’s out of fear of the same thing happening to them or if they also don’t want to hear anything I have to say but it is wearing me down. I can’t remember a time that I’ve ever felt this isolated, disrespected and unappreciated. I’m filled with anxiety. It’s affecting my sleep and I’m second guessing myself wondering what’s wrong with me why no one wants to hear what I have to say or give me credit for ideas that everyone knows was mine before my colleague repeated them and got all the credit… I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m done, I have nothing else to say.
The Witness: Wow, I can’t imagine how they’re feeling, it makes me so uncomfortable every time they share their ideas and are ignored during our meetings. It’s the same thing every time, they speak followed by uncomfortable silence… Ugh. What’s worse is watching how other colleagues take their ideas and get praised right in front of them (as if we don’t know who really deserves the praise). I don’t say anything because I don’t want to be in their shoes. I don’t want people to treat me like that, it’s so awful to watch their shoulders drop and see the energy drain from their face. I see people rolling their eyes, smirking or blatantly ignoring them when they raise their hand to say something. The whole scenario makes me anxious knowing it’s going to happen again. As much as I’d like to support them, I can’t risk it. I need this job. I need to look like a team player and fit in. I’ll just keep my ideas and feelings to myself and get a transfer to another department as soon as I can.
The Ignorer: Why do we keep having these issues! Why didn’t my team speak-up and say something, clearly they must have seen these problems coming yet everyone stayed silent when I asked. It’s going to cost us time and money to fix this and once again, I’m left explaining why we missed the mark on this project. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time any of them contributed to a new idea or suggested a solution.
The Lesson: When you ignore someone, it doesn’t just hurt the person you’ve ignored, it hurts everyone, including yourself. Include everyone’s voice.